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Oh, No! We Won't Go!
Helping to Ease Children's Anxieties About Summer Camp
By Lisa B. Samalonis
for PARENTS EXPRESS
While your children may have insisted they wanted to go to camp when you signed them up in April, come June or July they may insist they don't want to go, or start raising endless questions and concerns, says Virginia Shiller, Ph.D., licensed clinical psychologist and author of the book, "Rewards for Kids! Ready-to-Use Charts and Activities for Positive Parenting" (Magination Press, 2003).
"Parents should offer a balance of normalizing their worries, listening and hearing kids out, and offering reassurance," she explains.
For example, if a child says they no longer want to go away to camp, a parent can say something like: "Lots of kids feel like they don't want to go to camp as the time gets near"; "I can understand you feeling that way, I remember I felt that way myself before I first went to camp"; or "Your older brother (who perhaps is much admired and always seems fearless) was worried before he went away the first time."
It can also be helpful to ask children exactly what worries them, or probe for possible fears they may be harboring. "Normal worries include whether they will make friends, whether they will be competent at activities, whether they'll have trouble sleeping, whether they'll like the food, etc. Providing reassurance for specific concerns can help a great deal," explains Shiller.
Perhaps Mom or Dad can say, "Remember how you worried about whether you'd make friends when you joined Brownies? And then you met Jessica, and now she's your best friend!"
Shiller warns that parents should not overdo reassurance, particularly if there may be some basis for concern. "If a child typically does have trouble entering new social situations, it may be possible to provide concrete help. Arranging for the child to go to a camp with a friend often helps a great deal," she says. "If that is not an option, parents can ask the camp if they can help you get in touch with families in your area who have kids attending your child's camp session. There's a good chance you may be able to find another child who would enjoy an outing together before going off to camp, and the comfort of getting to know someone ahead of time."
Parents may also want to inquire with camp personnel about what their child should expect during the first hours or days, says Shiller. She adds that if children know the program will be structured in a way that will make it easy for them to join in, they will often relax.
Homesickness
Many children will experience some homesickness at camp, particularly first-time campers. Good camps are exceptionally adept at helping them through this natural separation issue, according to Stacy DeBroff, author of "The Mom Book" (Free Press, 2002) and founder of MomCentral.com.
Plus, homesickness at overnight camp can be contagious, with one case of sniffles leading to a cabin of weeping campers wanting their mommies or daddies, she says.
"My kids have definitely had their fair share of camp homesickness," DeBroff says. "My daughter, at her first sleep-away experience for two weeks at age 10, had intense homesickness, but after several calls with the camp director and her counselors, and one phone call with her five days into camp, all ended well!"
Parents can ease homesickness by asking the right questions before signing kids up for camp:
• What are the counselors advised to do in cases of homesickness?
• When does senior leadership at camp get involved?
• What is considered serious enough to warrant a call home to alert you or to have you talk to your child?
"If you come to visit a homesick child, the vast odds are that you'll be packing that child to come home with you, so ideally you want the camp to help get your child over that hurdle if they can," says DeBroff.
Be sure to sign your child up with a camp that runs for the appropriate amount of days for the child's age and personality. Check to see if the camp has options with various lengths of camp sessions, and if they offer an "opt-out policy."
"Most seven-week summer camps have an 'opt-out' policy for first-time campers, who can choose to go home at the four-week point, over Parents' Weekend. But most choose not to," she says, noting that she came ready to pack up her 9-year-old son who had gone to a camp with his best friend.
"I never thought he would make the full session. He informed me that he was now having a blast, and would see me in another three weeks. Plus, once they get past the homesickness and plunge into all the activities, adventures, friendships and bonding that summer camp has to offer, they are thrilled and feel a profound sense of newfound independence," DeBroff points out.
While parents should certainly strive to encourage their child to go and make the best of their camp experience, Shiller notes that there are, in fact, times when it's appropriate to allow children to return home prematurely.
"Children will not gain confidence and a sense of independence if they're truly miserable and their misery doesn't go away after a reasonable period of time. So, in rare circumstances, allowing children to come home early can be the right thing to do, and children shouldn't feel they have failed," she says.
Anxious Parents
Parents who are anxious should ask themselves if they are anxious for the child with good reason or if they are the ones who are really experiencing a separation anxiety from their first-time camper, says Shiller.
"Parents do have to recognize that kids pick up on their anxiety. So if parents tend to be worriers, or to be sad about children increasingly separating from them, they should try to keep their anxieties to themselves and to be as upbeat as possible with their children," she says.
If the house will be empty when the child/children are away, parents can plan a special event for themselves to help with their own separation anxiety," she suggests.
Other Worries
Bullying and ostracizing (a form of bullying) is always a concern. Parents will want to inquire ahead of time how camps handle bullying. Hopefully, the camp will have counselors who are observant and astute in how to intervene with a serious bullying problem.
"If a child is returning to a camp where he or she had to deal with a mean kid, problem-solving ahead of time about how to either avoid or respond to mean behaviors can be helpful," says Shiller. "Ignoring taunts or making humorous comebacks work at times. There's safety in numbers, so finding one or more buddies is perhaps the best protection."
Lisa Samalonis is a freelance writer from Sicklerville, N.J.
Last Updated: 1/18/2008 4:51:38 PM EST
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